i sorry.

that last post was mean. to make up for it i'll just say its ok to look like jay leno. i've been told that i look like phillip seymore hoffmann and lafou from beauty and beast. i'd rather look like jay than either of those.

jay leno w/ a smokey eye

blog posting is more appealing when yer buzzin' like a bee. i don't buzz often, and i hardly ever sting...but once in awhile you just drink a bottle of wine by yourself on a sat. night and get da partay started up in yer macbook.

im lonely, but not lonely enough to not drink alone.

the only people who want to hang out with me are 40 year old men.

my boss commented the other day "if i was 20 years younger and single...i just don't understand how you are not married!". I thought he was asking a question, so i gave him a 5 minute, very vulnerable answer. After the awkward silence following my story I figured out he was just being jovial and not really wondering why I was single.

that would have been awkward if it hadn't been for that one time...

the time he said something slightly off-color and apologized for being "inappropriate". to make sure he knew i was not offended i tried to console. "don't worry! i get real inappropriate when these pants come off!". it was too late to try and explain that i meant when my "work pants" came off. the damage was done.

i still can't make eye-contact.

have you seen the infomerical for the genie bra? a good name, for sure. a genie would have to grant you at least 3 desperate wishes to make your boobs look normal wearing that thing.

my ex-boyfriend is dating a girl who looks like jay leno wearing eyeliner. i am a horrible person for saying that outloud, but hey! jay leno is a very successful talk show host/car collector/man.

i sent a package to the german man who wanted to marry me. by package, i mean ESL book of american slang. by sent i mean i thought it would cost like 5 bucks. 18 bucks later i am asking myself why i did that. "to keep my options open" was the first response. but, after further thought "he's my only hope" is the correct answer.

im just kidding! a little bit.