raisins can be sexy, too.

i can't stop thinking about two things: nutty bars & sexy costumes.

let's get nutty bars out of the way first. all i want to say is that they are the most delicious treat to boast the little debbie name. i have no idea how debbie stays so little eating these bars of heaven, but whatever her secret is, i need to figure it out. i have one, and i instantly go up a size. im not complaining. it is worth it. a perfect amalgamation of chocolate, pb and wafer cookie. merci beaucoup, little debbie. i owe you big time.

now for sexy costumes. i hate them. i think they are embarrassing. some might argue that i am jealous. maybe you think i don't like them because i eat too many nutty bars and don't look as good in a victoria's secret football player "costume". maybe i am a little self concious that i have some swiss cake rolls...but they're paired with too much self worth to lower myself to wearing some sort of sexually degrading clothing option in public and pretend like its ok because people are dressing up in costumes. i made my point 3 Halloweens ago wearing my glasses and trench coat out downtown minneapolis. a sexy bee asked me what i was supposed to be. "a lesbian" is what i told her. she was confused, but i figured as much--she also forgot where she put her pants, shirt and dignity.

now, im not saying don't dress in a sexy costume, but let's try to remember there is a difference between sexy and skanky. there are plenty of options that don't reveal your bum cheeks and lady parts. i have a sweet ass raisin costume that is just waiting for someone to give it a modest yet sexy twist.

i don't want to judge. i don't want to condemn. wear what you want, sexy girls. just know, somewhere on those crowded drunken streets of sexy bees, cops and nurses, there is a chubby girl wearing a trench coat, eating a nutty bar and making fun of you.

sparklez in yur eyez

i cut my own bangs. someone told me if your forehead is 50% of your face, you should have some. i don't know if they took hair type into consideration, because if your hair is baby fine and extra stringy, the front bang looks more like a set of harp strings.

i can't wait to move away. i don't know where i am going, but i know its away from appleton, wisconsin. house i grew up in: i love you, but i don't love you that much. thank you for taking me in and sheltering me from bills, normal social activity and the opportunity to bring men home.

my phone is being held together by a rubber band. maybe i should get a new one, but i kinda like the excuse "sorry i didn't call you back--my phone is broken."

a homeless man with one tooth told me he knew my soul was happy. i asked him why and he said it was because i had sparkles in my eyes. that's funny--that's exactly what a man said to me when he asked "can i spend the night in your arms?" . good thing i never got transition lenses.

my boss told me i was very smart. then he asked if i was a cute drunk or an annoying drunk. i didn't know how to answer, and i also didn't know if it was against the law for me to answer. i'll ask my lawyer sister.

or maybe i'll ask my scientist freak sister the science of alcohol and drunkeness and answer with a very smart answer. maybe i'll just quit and move away.

the love of money is the root of all evil. the lack of money is the root of all evil as well. i would also like to contend that student loan repayment is the trunk of all evil while bags of kettle chips and movie tickets for one are the leaves.