string bikini

i had a really nice conversation with a 74 year old woman today. she was naked. it was wonderful. i would tell you more, but don't we all like a little mystery?

a corgi came through the coffee shop's drive thru today. stars aligned and time stood still as i just about jumped through the window. someone needs to tell my future special someone that renting a corgi for a few hours on every single birthday, christmas and other holiday needing gifts will do just fine. more than fine--it would be the most romantic thing possible. some girls like rose petals and chocolate. some girls like short legs and big ears. (ok, and chocolate, too! and gummies! and popcorn! and backrubs! and love notes! and cartoon drawings of each other! but mostly corgis...)

im glad it rained today. i didn't have to run. yesterday i terrorized the neighborhood with out of breath singing/screaming/panting to brittany spear's womanizer and uncontrollable "upper body dancing" as i ran through the neighborhood. i figure i am more embarrassed trying to act like a seasoned cardiovascular athlete. might as well enjoy myself.

i take back the word enjoy. i am going to go with be true to myself and not look at myself in my running shoes and think "you traitor".

i love being active. except when i'm chubby. then it's embarrassing, uncomfortable and just plain unnatural. kind of like a first kiss.

in my high school drama class i made a a fake commercial for lap-ban surgery. i wore a giant sweatsuit and stuffed it full of throw pillows. . the movie was hysterical. the class loved it. at the end of it, my teacher turned on the lights and told us that  he had that surgery. he still gave me an A.

i made so many movies in highschool. the best one was called 360 degrees of sk8rboyz. i played Hony Tawk. i brought a scooter to the skate park and asked 12 year old boys if they wanted to join my sk8 team called blink 182. my friend adam dressed up as a sexy latino girl and i tried to pick him/her off the ave. i ended up peeing my pants all over my friend rachel's mini-van. i made adam go to wal-greens to buy upholstery cleaner and new underwear. he came out with bleach and giant blue leopard and rose printed string bikini. boyz r so dumb!