no look ball

for the rest of my life, i have to have a job. that is, of course, if i don't become permanently disabled. the rest of my life could be a pretty long time. i should start to figure out what i should do. i figure by the time i figure it out, i will only have about half my life left. that doesn't seem quite as long.

one of my best friends in the whole world is coming to visit me soon. we're not quite certain how we became such kindred spirits, but it had something to do with being the only two chubby people in our group of friends. and our love of spicy chips and top the tater. in the heyday of our friendship and at our heaviest weights, we thought of a fun game to play outside of our leadership class in college. we called it "no look ball". you basically played catch while using only your peripheral vision. it doesn't sound too fantastic, but believe you me, it brings the lolz. one day we got a little to into the game and didn't notice our class had started. when we realized this we made a run for the door and as we both tried to enter at the same time, we got stuck. i am not joking. WE GOT STUCK IN A DOORWAY. we attempted 3 times to shove our portly little bods through that frame until we fell to the ground laughing. can this get better? yes-- the class was praying. katie realized and ran away. i did not and continued to lay on the carpet laughing hysterically. i looked up, and saw everyone else looking down. teacher asked me if i'd like to join the class. i didn't, but i did.

we once entered a speaking competition. we had no idea what to expect. i found some weird duo monologue about overweight women and their plight. we added really great midwestern accents to give it a special flair. when we showed up to the competition, everyone was very serious. the speeches before us were about, and i am not joking-- rape, death and patriotism. our number was called and we could only look at each other with fear and amusement. we finished to a silent and stunned crowd. somehow, we were just a point away from going to the finals.

we went through a season of life that whenever we'd see and old truck we'd do a double take. usually old trucks have old men in them...but sometimes they would have an attractive young man wearing an old baseball hat. distracted driving at its finest.

katie and i always wanted to travel europe together. when we realized we were too poor for that, we settled for a cross country road trip. we taped a construction paper queen named "dawn" to our GPS and laughed like maniacs, highway to highway. we bought matching fake tattoo tankinis from a kmart in montana and had an indoor water park to ourselves. we slid down the slide together, the back of our thighs making squeaky noises to an audience of men and children watching from their respective balconies. we went potty in a biff on the top of a mountian and felt the ice cold air give our bums a thrill. we made fools of ourselves from state to state and i have never had a better time.

when katie got engaged i cried for a week. maybe more. i was scared to loose my fellow dreamer and laugher. the great news is, she is still both those things and more. i can't wait to have her in my new home and feel at home in her friendship. if i am anne she is my dianna. if i am jo she is my laurie. if i am a spicy chip, she's my top the tater.