christian the lion

live laugh love.

just kidding.

thanks for flipping the switch.

are you laughing at this?

runnin' yo hands through my fro, bouncin on 24zzz

I have 8 followers! Jesus had 12. Just sayin.

Happy Halloween...to those of you who don't have a diabetic sister. To those of you who do, enjoy those apples and the fall festival at church.

I'm on my break. I have just enough time to let my pits cool down...then its back to sweating.

I'm in a fight. It's with a coffee maker, but it's a fight none the less. He keeps overflowing all over the counters no matter what I do. I tried to sweet talk him--obvz didn't work. Then I tried violence, and since he is made of metal that didn't make a big difference. So, I've decided to play dirty and I set another maker right next to him. We'll see how he does when he has competition.

My mom finally granted me my wish of sending me portable hard-drive...aka "the black electronic device that you put pictures on"...not to be confused with the "grey electric box", what we in the real world call a DVD player. She forgot to send the cord though. How do you say thank you, while also saying you failed?

Time to put on my sexy, yet christian camp appropriate outfit. Sexy Dugar girl? (all you have to do is cut a little slit on your floor length jean skirt, show your ankles, or put on a modest wear swimsuit).

boo!

back to biznez.

sup suckers?

without sister-christer encouraging this creative outlet...i have neglected it. I know everyone has been upset, but I'm back now so, stop reading what christians like and come back to me!

whats new? Oh, just a new zip code, super expensive and unfortunate looking shoes along with a permanent smell of toilet disinfectant lingering in my hair and clothes. So...nothing much.

I live in Oregon right now. It's pretty much the same as Wisconsin except it has mountains, people recycle and...well those are the only 2 differences I've noticed so far. Maybe there will be more. (I hear there are vampires).

Late at night in my empty room, i swear I hear a man whispering in my ear. Usually, this would really excite me--unfortunately, it's of the creepy/evil variety. Who knows though, he could be a cute evil spirit.

I just checked my email. It says I have 2610 new emails. Combined with my 36 new facebook messages...it could take me a while to get back to you. Furthermore, my "vintage" computer only lets me type a couple letters per minute. So, what I'm trying to say is....you should hear a reply by early next week.

Tonight I'm going to a staff members house for dinner. Supposedly, we are having "chili eggs" or something along that tune. I feel like I'm about to ride the raging bull roller coaster--excited, terrified and certain the end will include some sort of vomiting.

pass me your 45 cents.

my dear, you look fabulous! You haven't aged a day!  (thats what you're saying to my blog).

Besides my usually horrible sleep schedule, I am up because I've been crying about missing my dog, dad and mom. Well, I don't miss them yet, but I know I'm going to soon. Even when Alfie rolls around in dead birds and smells worse than my dad's raddish burps...and when my mom dosn't know how to turn on the tv or eject the cd I will mist up in preperation for the future. I think its good to be prepared. I was a girl scout you know. On my honor, I will try, to serve God and my country by only selling carmel delights to my mom and then sneaking them up to my closet, stealing the key from my parents room, locking myself in, and eating the whole box in secrecy. Maybe it wasn't a secret cause my mom just bought me a book from the thrift store called "stop compulsive eating in 4o seconds". (it was only 45 cents...) 

The most terrifying thing happened to me about 40 seconds ago. A month flew down my shirt and was flapping its wings in the caves of my curves. Even my highschoolhood nickname of Mowgli could not save me from the fear of those feathery wings. At least it wasn't a doodle bug. 

this blog reminds me of my creative writing class in highschool with ms. houston. The theory states that while we were being delighted by Like Water for Chocolate, or Whale Rider, she would sneak down to her office and eat jellybeans. I also recall her telling me her favorite word was penis..."it's just so fun to say, isn't it?" I also recall never writing anything except "this class sucks. this lady is weird" in our journals we spent 20 minutes writing in at the beginning of each class. I never had to worry though, cause we could always pass at reading out loud if it was too personal. it was. 

I feel like i should be saying pass right now. its almost as if this blog is the sucky class, and I am that weird lady. maybe you're saying pass right now and navigating to much better places. google. fml. perez. bethelnet. sister-christer. 

im not taking offense at your passing, just don't tell me about it. I've got enough to cry about at night. 

witchy woman

i thought i had an ulcer. that was cool. and it made me feel old. and gross. and yucky. and tired. and not hungry. WHAT? 

But, based on my sudden desire to eat everything in our pantry and watch every Harry Potter movie, i think i am healed. 

I made goodie bags at the candyfactory today. dont tell anyone, but i stole a 4 oz. bag of caramel corn.  worth it.

someone asked me what my one true wish was today, i said 5 inches. everyone else said stuff like that poverty would cease and stuff like that. whoops. 

i witch i wuz a wizzard!

do you remember in 9th grade when we went to see the Crucible at NHS and that boy we were in babysitting class with at the Y was playing a girl in a nighty and a bonnet, and we almost peed our pants and caused a scene in the 10th row....but then we looked at the program and realized it actually was a girl and not babysitting boy? wait...was that just me?

my dog rolled around in a dead animal yesterday. he smelt almost as bad as our kitchen did when the little mouse climbed behind our stove and got electrocuted. that was bad. real bad. 

why did the chicken cross the road?

to get to the eggMcStation.

yeah. i know its not funny...but i guess i used to tell the joke all the time when i was little and would laugh hysterically. My mom said i had a joke book and the real answer was to get to the "Eggson station"....as in exxon....I was a good reader....maybe i just wanted to put my own twist on things.  SIGN ME UP FOR ARMATURE NIGHT. (at the comedy club ya little perv). 

HaPpY BiRtHdAy

my parents just left me a voicemail trying to make my dog "speak" to tell me he loved me. At first I was like "omg, they are so dumb" but then i remembered how I called to talk to him last week and made my dad tell him that I hated him because he wouldn't talk to me. THen i felt bad and called back to tell him i didnt hate him and i loved him and wanted to brush him. please don't tell anyone about this.

im packing all my clothes. if you interact with me at any level you know i pretty much circulate the same 3 outfits...one of which includes an over sized sweatshirt and "athletic bottoms". well,even im  confused to see my 7 medium trash bags stuffed with clothes sitting in my livingroom. I need an intervention from that guy who declutters stuff on Oprah. 

after my dentist HORROR i have been flossing like a maniac. Twice a day...sometimes three times a day. I decided to invest in healthy gums and bought the little flossers on the stick. I must say those things can reach back to places my stubby fingers didn't know existed. 

today a woman from my building took her kid out to play in our parking lot. I just about peed my pants watching the baby in the baby walker baby walk into my car. it was awesome. 

i saw the hangover last night. i told the lady at the front it would have been better with the 3-D glasses from UP. she agreed. 

today is the olson twins birthday!!!! YES. my 23 year countdown is finally done! they are so hot.especially the skinny one. 

LOL

good morning. baltimore. minneapolis. appleton. WORLD

since it's such a good morning, i thought i would sit on my porch. Just when i got comfortable, i heard the horrible sound that is Kent's screen door opening. 4 little paws and two 40 something feet stepped onto the porch, sun tanning oil in hand. I made it through the head and neck, but when he started rubbing his chest...i had to save my breakfast and run inside. 

its ok though, because ive been really worried about skin cancer and premature wrinkles lately. enough so that ive considered making a dermatologist appointment. however, after my dentist appointment, ive reconsidered any sort of health services. 

The rundown: a "hour at most" appointment turned into 2.5 hours in the chair. most of which were spent alone, with my mouth open, listening to show tunes and debating if leaving with half done dental work was safe. I have bedsores. i have sore mouth. i have solidified my theory that NOTHING GOOD EVER comes out of a dentist in a house. 

on a happier note, i still haven't found the source of the awful smell in my apartment. its not constant and it seems to radiate from next to the table and stove. i moved the stove, smelt in the back to see if perhaps a rodent got electrocuted (true malmquist story), opened all the "decorative" wine bottles, everything!--NO LUCK. if you come over and find it, you win a prize.

i was driving on 94 when I stopped at those little "one car on green" stop lights. it was red, so i stopped. when i did this mean little curly haired man started honking and waving his hands at me. Naturally I made eye contact through the mirror and mouthed " I'm following the law, jack ass". I want to make it a bumper sticker. I think it would be useful for me and Meghan O. How do you make bumper stickers? How do toasters work? Why is the sky blue? Why does the brother floor hate us? Well, when i do find out how to make one, I'll ask the men at the Shout House to put it on my car...

I am going to work at a candy factory this summer. Are you laughing out loud? 

doglover199709

today I forced myself to do a couple things: wake up before noon, reschedule my dentist appointment, leave my apartment and start a work out routine. (im kidding about the last one… the nice hmong lady at the nail place thought I was “wunning a lot! Nice big stwong legs”. See? No need.)

 

I started out on my journey in hopes of curing my boredom. I walked across the street and through a few neighborhoods to get to the local walgreens. Man. Have you ever been inside of a wallgreens? Its like a mini-mall of America…except filled with old people. No wonder my mom got all my Christmas presents from there! I left satisfied with a jumbo cross-words book and memories of the irate old man upset that they only sold cassettes in 10-packs. I gotta agree with him though “who the heck needs ten cassette tapes”. He’s going to wal-mart.

 

I brought my crosswords down the streent to Minnehaha Coffee. I was hoping the alternative boy would be there, but unfortunately it was just the old guy grilling brats. I enjoyed my “lightrail sandwich”  and ice tea while flirting with the cute asian man. I was, of course, flirting in my brain because, well, I don’t know how to flirt outside of my imagination, and because, well, I was so surprised that I thought he was cute. Ok, and because he was with his lady-friend.

 

I didn’t want to walk home after that because I was wearing a dress and my thighs were starting to rub together. If you don’t know what that feels like, congratulations. Instead I thought I’d take a rest riding the ole’ rail. Airconditioned. Cultured. Smokefree. UV Protected, filled with chairs—everything a girl needs when her thighs start to rub together.

 

I went to the mall and got harassed into buying a 2 year magazine subscription. Believe me, you don’t want to know the details. I hope the Fairview clinic is thankful for their American photo mag.

 

Tomorrow im planning on seeing Caroline or Change. Those of you with a good memory may recall that this was on my summer bucket list. If I go, it will be the first part of the bucket I can cross off. Ive been wanting to see it ever since I watched the documentary on tony Kushner about 6 years ago. If you like southern homosexual jews who have an overeating issue this is the documentary for you!

 

I also spent 25 minutes on the customer service line for redbox. You know, after I got charged 112 bucks at blockbuster I thought redbox was the safe, ethical solution to renting—wrong again. If you stole the faith like potatoes dvd right after my sister “put it in the machine” come forward now and give me $25.12. I will forgive you and spare my sisters life. (ok. Seriousaly now. $25 for a foxfaith movie? PLEASE. I hope that part of the $25 is going to focus on the family or those prolife billboards. Or kirk cameron’s street ministry).

 

Have I mentioned I like the sunbelt granola bar commercial? I replay it in my head when I go to bed about 6 times. (for now its my devotional…lots of tie ins to scripture. Just like LOST).

 

I cried today thinking about how much I am going to miss my pseudo grandparents next year. I wont have any trader joe cheetos to eat, big computers to reinact doglover199709 dances on ,  or giant tvs to watch, or couches to lay on for 24 hours straight. Oh, and I’ll miss them too.

 

Im not going to tell you what im going to do tomorrow because I want to be a mystery. I hear boys like it when girls are mysterious. Crap. I already told you what im doing. I’ll be mysterious on Wednesday….after I get my fillings. 

quiz

  true or false:  i have had no true or life sustaining nutrients in my body for the past 5 days

  true or false:  the sunbelt granola bar commercial is funnier than the pedisure one, but not      luther kia's santas got a brand new ride

 true or false: i hurt my hamstring really bad throwing a bocce ball 

 true or false: my neighbor can see me when i change without closing my blinds

true or false: i have to move back to wisconsin but don't really know how thats going to happen with a saturn

true or false: i went to the 50% off sale at the Sal today and declared Martial Law in the ladies blouse section

answers:

true

true

true

true

true

true

thank you Dr. D

last night i was called "the hottest girl on the lightrail" by the ugliest man on the lightrail. i'm still taking it as a compliment.

maybe the hour I waited by the drunk infested sneaky-petes aided in my appearance. or, maybe it was the calm 911 call i made. (needless to say, last night was the thing movies were made of: romance, fighting, money issues, dance-offs, and danger). 

i got into a heated debate with the man sitting next to me on the train. he hated minnesota and was saying how much better it would be to live in "the pan handle". I'm pretty much sick of MN myself, but when he said those nasty things, a fire started burning in my soul and i couldn't help but speak up. thank you dr. d for rhetorical crit. I was able to calmly organize my thoughts and feelings into vocal bullet points: great family atmosphere, good collection of arts and culture, nature in an urban city and longfellow grills sweet potato fries. I won with that last one. 

im wearing what the youth are calling "skinny jeans". I have hessitated for a long time to buy into this trend, for obvious reasons (namely Chas' calves), but i recently read in a reputable women's mag that skinny jeans favor all body types. even mine? the hybrid of 3 popular types: busty, petite and boy shaped bottem? I guess i can also add "round middle" to that as well. wow. its like i'm the ultimate fighter! it's always confusing to me as to what i should wear because all of those "types" have different guidelines and different suggested styles. Boy shaped bottems should wear boy short swim trunks? no thanks. Busty top should wear underwire bra-kini while round middles should wear a tankini? huh? petites should wear high rise bottoms and bandeau tops? i am in a crisis. maybe i'll stick to the ole 4th grade staple: ugly one piece with an oversized mickey mouse tee. perfection. 

my friends in wisconsin are having a house warming party tonight. first of all, their apartment dosn't need to get any hotter. it should be a cooling party. second, why do people throw house warming parties anyways? You just moved in, got things organized and such. And your welcoming people bringing their dirty shoes in and leaving their glasses all over (probably going to leave rings on your fine wood pool table) not to mention the high traffic flow to the bathroom. i think a small guided tour through the 2 bedrooms and then a caravan to the bar with the mechanical bull is a smarter, cleaner way. but what do i know? im moving back to my parents! 

1970

I've got some good news, and some bad news. Which would you like first? The bad? ok...

well, its late. or early, depending on how you look at things. I don't exactly know how late/early it is because my computers time is set to 7 am may 1st 1970. I don't know how it got like this or how to fix it. Maybe I have gone back in time, to live a simpler life, free of distractions and comfortable underwear--just like the movie "Split Infinity" where i go to meet my grandpa when he's young and learn a valuable lesson while teaching him something in return. also, i will not sell my farm during the depression and make a fortune on selling the land afterwards and then fund a childrens hospital. Whatever the reason, it is late, and i cant sleep. (and you need to rent split infinity)!

The good news is that i apparently get Internet when its early/late/1970 (which is weird because i didnt think mr. gore invented the internet till the nineties...). I have checked the forecast, looked at pictures of myself from my youngeryears on facebook and tried to find that site sister-christer showed me where you guess the von-trapp children names , but i couldn't. Maybe i should spend this time studying proper spelling and grammar. eh, no. (i had to try and spell grammar about 5 times, fyi). 

i've been thinking about a lot of things during this restless time: what am i going to wear tomorrow? will people know i've worn it 4 times in the past week already? will a shower even help? I want sour candy. I should get those cavities filled this week. who am i? what is my purpose? why do boys smell bad? as you can see, i am most defiantly an intellectual. 

update: it must be around 5. the garbage man just came. i remember them coming around 5 at bethel when i would just be getting back from the study lounge. 

bret, the resident "groundskeeper" and creeper was outside sweeping tonight at midnight (of course, i dont know if it was actually midnight. i'm guessing based on the moons position and my sister getting into bed). The sweeping noise was very loud and stupid. I opened my window and said loudly "deanna. brett is sweeping. its really late. do you think i should tell joe (joe is the landlord)" and then i closed my window and ran away. do you think he heard? do you think he'll be mad? I hope not, cause sometimes i peek into his window and watch his big screen. i need our open blind relationship to remain. but i dont want him to sweep so late right under my window! oy vey!

that reminds me of another incident i had this week. all the maintenance people were maintencing our parking lot on monday, right after i got back from my trip. I had to move my car, so i begrudgingly woke up around 7, put my pants on and moved my car. i walked right past joe, hose, and the teen. Came back, took my pants off, got into bed and 5 minutes later i get a knock at the door. Tradition has it that Joe knocks about once before he unlocks the door himself and finds me laying in my bed. To avoid that i screamed JUST A MINUTE and threw on my pants faster than you can say bub's your uncle. When i opened the door I was surprised to see the teen standing there awkwardly. " you need to move your car" he said. "i already did" i replied. "are you sure" he asked me like I was an idiot. "yes, I just moved it" I retorted , heavy on the bitchiness. I felt bad about the tude, so i smiled real quick. Well, it got uncomfortable fast and he apologized and said something like "wrong room, uh, sorry". I think he knew i just put my pants on. I sneaked by the window and listed to him tell Joe, who i think is his father "dad, its not her car. that was embarrassing". mission accomplished for the day. sonia: 1. maintenance men : embarrassed.  gosh, i hate wearing pants. 

well, i don't know what else to entertain you with, so , um, bye

i put a jug of sunscreen on after seen this. 

i did not have a heart attack.

wow my forehead is tan. the rest of me is still the same old casper the friendly ghost shade. 

yesterday i did noting the whole day. I dead-headed my begonias and then almost dead-headed myself. 

When I was in San Diego, I went to take a picture of the Shout House for my dear friend sister-christer. A group of mildly attractive men came out and yelled "where is that little hobbit", and instinctively I said "right here". They laughed. Were they laughing because i DO look like a hobbit, or because it was such a outlandish statement? 

I have nothing to do for 2 weeks. I'm not even going to try to think of things to do. Maybe I will do a social experiment about not being social.

Watching Tyra right now. It's all preggers ladies asking uncomfortable questions and Tyra throwing in her stupid two cents. Are these women being paid to ask these? Why on earth would they embarrass themselves like this? Haven't you heard of WebMD, stupids? Whenever I have a question about my pregnancy, that's where I go. It's also where KHood went when I woke up in the middle of the night with deathly pains: Costochondritis, not a heart attack, thank you very much!

 

appology

sorry guys. 

i've been an irresponsible blogger.

no excuses

well, except that i got sunburnt sitting in my hammock. and that i was too busy going to concerts or flying in planes to costal cities. or going to dinner and having 50 bonez thrown on my table. 

please don't leave me or forsake me...but who am i kidding? you wont. 

i mean, since the "erotic services" page on craigslist is going away, what else are you going to do online anyway? Stay with me, i wont disappoint. 

but first, i need to go lay on the beach. 

my sister got hit by a truck

my sister got hit by a truck yesterday while riding her bike. 

Don't worry, she's ok. Just some minor head trauma, killer bruises, a messed up elbow and a new lifelong fear of riding her bike--no big deal!

Her accident has forced me to re-visit some of my own accidents and I want to share them with you now:

Accident One: Being pushed down the concrete basement steps in my baby-walker

Accident Two: Jumping off piano and hitting face on coffee table

Accident Three: Knocking teeth out on coffee table

Accident Four: Being clotheslined while attempting to ride bike through jump rope attached to mini-van and sister

Accident Five: bit by chipmunk I caught and kept in fish tank

Accident Six: sawing finger open to the bone.

Accident Seven: Undercutting while doing back tuck, getting stuck, almost breaking neck

Accident Eight: Something freaky to my leg after extreme failure on the vault. (quit gymnastics after that one)

I'll stop there, but there are more. Just making sure I get more attention that her.

 I think the dentist likes me. He called me babe and told me i have a really pretty mouth. I thought he was talking about my lips or smile, but i think he meant the actual inside of my mouth. I spent today walking the streets with my mouth open trying to see if I could get anyone interested--no luck. Now that I'm thinking of it, that was very unprofessional behavior for a dentist...maybe I should tell someone? I guess I'll wait until I find out how good of a kisser he is, and go from there. I mean, he is kinda cute...

I'm pissed off at this whole digital conversion thing. What a load of LIES! They scared me into the box...and for what? So i can see commercials on the digital channels telling me (again) that come frickin July I wont be able to see analog TV. Warn everyone you know, this is a conspiracy. 

Adam Lampert from American Idol is my absolute worst nightmare. J.T Lambert was my 5thgrade dream. 

I read on MSN today that the average woman kisses 28 men before she gets married. If that's the case, please save the date for my wedding- 09/09/2039 ( I will be registered at bed bath and beyond, as well as futuristic places). Until then I'm registered for sour candy. 

enough about me!

uh oh. I've been singing "I wanna kiss a girl" by keith urban all day. Please don't tell my conservative grandparents.

in other news, my sister is trying to decide which law school to go to. I, on the other hand, am trying to pick between twilight and house bunny at the redbox. 

today was my last day of work. I will now spend my days perfecting my summer bucket list. I'm not planning on dying, but living in the middle of nowhere for a year is close enough to that.  Here are some things I want to do and why:

zoo: animals are cool

drive in: want to get lucky in the back seat (this dosn't have to happen if you want to go with me abby)

that racetrack place: i've never been and cheap concessions 

camping: it is acceptable to look nasty and play with fire

see caroline or change: tony kushner 

eat brats: they good

see a movie at the science museum: that giant ball screen is awesome

county fair: inbreeding, dangerous rides and the 500 pound pig

Enough about me! 

Tomorrow I am willingly going to the dentist. I drove past it and, of course, its one of those dental offices inside a old house--nothing good ever comes from those. I dont see anything professional or seemingly sanitary about getting your teeth cleaned in a room where grandma stayed when she got old. 

It's kinda like the theory introduced to me in '02 by a friend named dave. The theory states that any house that has that ball-globe thing (known to us in wisconsin as a gazing globe) sitting in the yard, smells bad inside. I have yet to investigate, but my intuition tells me he is right...or that the people are wizards.  

what im trying to say is, im freaked out and don't want to go. 

i do want to go to james taylor concert this saturday. oh, wait...i AM going. Im nervous though. What happens when my main life goal is complete? Will I find another 60 something singer-songwriter to keep me going? Or will I simply slip away painlessly in my sleep? I'll let you know. 

1 x 1

You know you’re awesome when you start writing a blog on a word document because you only get Internet access on the 1x1 bottom corner of your sister’s bed.

Remember how much I hate Fridays? Did I mention that I hate Saturdays too? I hate to be a killjoy, but weekends suck. Sundays don’t count because God wants us to lay around and do nothing on Sundays.


I’m moving home soon. People keep asking me how I feel about it. You wanna know how I feel about it? I feel frickin awesome! Not that I wont miss Cesar the cat crying at my window every night, the maintenance men coming into my room when I’m laying in my bed in my underwear, spending 30 minutes driving 5 feet on Hiawatha or not being able to buy myself fruits and vegetables. I’m just more excited for spending my days sitting in a hammock, being served Arnie Palmers and having my dad set up an air conditioner in my room (a true luxury at the Malmquist homestead). You may come and visit. My dad will make you a huge breakfast and take you on a tour of a local cheese factory. If we ask for ice cream, he will drive into town and get 7 flavors. He will tend to our campfire and if something interesting comes up in conversation, he will disappear for a minute and then come back with some printed out google results. Where’s my mom in all this? Probably playing the piano or checking her email (you can teach an old mom new tricks). Come and see for yourself.

I went to the zoo the other day. I stared at the monkeys and gorillas for about an hour. I felt that if I stared long enough, a zoo keeper would unzip the fur and my dad or uncle LeRoy would pop out.

Monkeys are the cutest of all wild creatures. Except for Christian the Lion. Have you seen that thing? Even Chuck thought it was “and amazing and interesting look into the wild animals psyche”. Ann just likes Whitney Houston...

Today I saw a cat riding on the front dash of a car. It was like sprawled out, soaking up the sun on the fricking highway. And I thought it was bad when people put those dang beanie babies up there.

naked showers and sexy aprons

T.G.I.F my ass.

I havn't thanked God it's friday since the awesome lineup on ABC: Dinasours, Family Matters, Full house, Perfect Strangers. Yes please. 

Fridays are always the biggest let down. I blame it on Bethel. The anticipation builds up all week,everyone a-buzz, talking about the "fun things" we're going to do,  then BAM! Your entire freshman floor gets picked by their parents at 3 pm. One can only scooter through the halls so many times...

The last good friday  I had was the spring of '06 when J. Ban was supposed to go get my van, and somehow was able to unlock and drive another white mini van all the way to McDonalds. I guess the best part was that I was riding with him and didn't notice. So, Chris Evans, if you're reading this (I know your name cause I saw your hospital papers in the glove box) don't be worried that your van is parked in a completely different spot that where you left it, or that it has some McDonalds wrappers in it--be amazed at the great God we serve and his ability to provide for people in need (we needed to get to mcdonalds). 

today i bought some new clothes. they aren't particularly cute, stylish or affordable...but they fit. I've decided to stop giving clothes a hard time--its not their fault. I don't feel comfortable blaming them all the time, saying "they don't flatter my body type". I'm man enough to admit its my body that doesn't flatter them.  I'm  ashamed of verbally abusive i've been. After much prayer, petition and guidance from my elders and deacons I've decided the best thing for everyone in this situation right now is to release my clothes to families and individuals who can better care for them. If you think you have a home for clothes in the 0-6 size range, please talk to my family service rep (me). 

tomorrow i'm going to my first shower of the season. I might wake up early and take my first shower (naked kind) of the season too. 

Im ok with wedding showers, but can I come clean? the whole giving unmentionables and sexy nightgowns is just plain annoying.  You've already scored the ultimate goal--someone who likes you and has to like you if you get fat and stuff. Do you really need all these $40 lace teddies and thongs with bows on them? Shouldn't you be giving us single girls the sexy-goods so we can try to attract a husband? Maybe im bitter. Maybe my heart is cold...but maybe, just maybe, I want to register for muffin tins and sexy aprons from victoria's secret. 

thank you, come again. 

the grunter

working hard or hardly working? or is it working hard to look like your working? even when im trying not to work, i end up overworking myself to prevent the work from happening. work sucks.

the "grunter" as I like to call him has entered the office. He is a 2 foot nightmare. I think he should be at the developmental stage of speaking, but he only grunts. I ask him a question: he grunts. He wants a piece of paper: he grunts. when hes braking the giant spiky koosh ball: he grunts. Apparently, according to his mother, the grunts have different sounds which equal different meanings/needs.
Apparently my grunts of exhaustion and bewilderment when he is pouring water on the walls or knocking over glass bottles, or stealing the doctors rolling stool don't register with her yet. But, we're still getting to know each other.

this has been my first blog. i hope it makes christa happy. i hope it makes me happy. i hope the grunter learns to talk soon. I have a lot of hopes, but its only tuesday.