Friday, May 17, 2013

weird and awkward and funny.


in 2 weeks my first and only love is getting married. that's a little weird to know. actually, it is more than weird. it is highly uncomfortable. it's also a little funny. mostly awkward.

 it's funny how much life goes on even when you don't want it to and even when you resist the changes. it's weird that i knew everything about him and now i don't know anything. it's awkward because for awhile, i thought i was going to marry him.  weird and awkward and funny.

weird and awkward and funny are three things i know about, so i can say that.

i hope on june 1st that tiny little weight that still sits on my heart magically disappears. but if it doesn't i'm prepared. if people use little ankle weights to become stronger, i'm pretty sure the same goes for your insides.

the past week, i have been sleeping horribly. do you hear me? horribly. tossing, turning restlessness.  last night i thought to myself "maybe you should try sleeping on more than the top right corner." so i moved my books and 10,000 pillows and discovered that it is surprisingly comfortable to sleep right in the middle of your bed in a starfish position.

i have used the starfish position before. it was in slow motion, backwards off of a BLOB while wearing a life vest three sizes too large. there were witnesses, but thankfully the camera stopped recording right before it happened. it was an out of body experience for me. while i was slowly rolling, i knew what i looked like. once i hit the water, i had to choose to come back to the surface and face my shame. it was weird, awkward and funny. mostly funny.



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