log chute me in the face

 i am writing this now because if i don't i am afraid the memory will fade.

this memory was the most frightening and most exhilarating moment of my entire life.

i rode the log chute at the mall of america. with adam basse.

i was really looking forward to the log chute. it's fun without being overly scary. the novelty paul bunyon and babe the blue ox figurines throughout the caves is always a fun sight. all around, a fabulous time.

the last time i was on a log chute, i was about 10 years old. this time, me and 3 other adults shoved our robust bodies into this tiny little fiberglass log. as someone who is afraid of boys and physical touch, my senses were on high  having to basically sit on poor adams lap. i told myself "you can do this" right before a gentle old woman operating the ride asked "they warned you, right?". boy, did they not.

i knew i should have jumped out when we started our ascent. i'm can't be certain, but i'm pretty sure me and adam  are legally married now in some middle eastern countries. every ounce of my body was jiggling violently as i tried with all my strength to keep my body weight off my log-partner. his laughter paired with my extreme embarrassment and weakness forced me to give up and i gave up in defeat as i released myself to body slam adam. my laughter almost muffled his grunts of agony as my weight slowly crushed his vital organs as we traveled upwards for what seemed to be hours.

sweet relief approached as we hit the drop...the releif didn't last long before the tidal wave hit. a 2 foot swell covered my entire body from head to toe. somehow, the water hit only me. could someone please explain how the other three passengers remained almost completely dry while i looked like i just took a tubby?

i didn't know if i should laugh or cry. my sweater vest instantly became heavier as did my body as it began to say goodbye to most of its fine motor ability. when it became obvious that there was another ascent above, my body chose laughter in stead of fear and i think adam peed his pants a little. our little faces were side by side as we silently laughed harder than i have in a long time.

i can't remember how much water got me at the end, but i do remember how  i left a  conspicuous puddle on the seat of the next ride and how my pants basically froze to my legs as we wandered around the parking lot looking for our car. total misery. total bliss. i hope this memory never goes away...but if it does, somewhere on the camp snoopy mainframe, there is a picture of 3 happy campers and one wet rat riding the log chute.