i like old men.

i did something bad. real bad. big ass coffee after 7 pm. i know what happens when i do this, and yet i do it anyways.

maybe i like how my heart races. maybe i like how my eyes bulge wide like an anime character. maybe i like being hyper and reading 'the magician's nephew' to myself in horrible, yet amusing accents. maybe i just had a horrible headache and still think my liver is shot from many vicodins so i went the natural pain relieving route. or...maybe it's for all these reasons, and more.

i make a lot of foolish choices, but i think that's ok, as long as they don't harm anyone else. irrational decisions usually lead to some sort of fun adventure. sometimes, they lead to lack of money and no personal belongings. other times they lead to the middle of nowhere oregon, or canada. most every time they lead to new friends and experiences and stories to tell your grandchildren. tonight, they lead to funny voices and wide eyes and upper body dancing to carol king while hunched over in my bed.

my friend told me i had to have a crush on a human who is younger than a hundred, seeing as all my crushes are in the 65-70 age range. i don't know why i like these old men. they do say that you are attracted to a man like your father. maybe if my dad wasn't so old, i would have a bigger appreciation for people my own age. nah. they'd still be dumb to me.

why? i'll tell you why. boys smell bad and are stupid. if i were to reference prairie home companion, or charlie rose, jackson browne  or anything that happened between 1949-1989, they would still be thinking about fantasy football, video games or that girl who was wearing leggings so tight it looked like she was part seal.

i'm not saying it's their fault i don't like them. it's my fault. but it's their fault for making it mine. jk. i love boys... older boys. ok, men. old men. WHATS WRONG WITH ME??!?!?!

nothing.