quiz

  true or false:  i have had no true or life sustaining nutrients in my body for the past 5 days

  true or false:  the sunbelt granola bar commercial is funnier than the pedisure one, but not      luther kia's santas got a brand new ride

 true or false: i hurt my hamstring really bad throwing a bocce ball 

 true or false: my neighbor can see me when i change without closing my blinds

true or false: i have to move back to wisconsin but don't really know how thats going to happen with a saturn

true or false: i went to the 50% off sale at the Sal today and declared Martial Law in the ladies blouse section

answers:

true

true

true

true

true

true

thank you Dr. D

last night i was called "the hottest girl on the lightrail" by the ugliest man on the lightrail. i'm still taking it as a compliment.

maybe the hour I waited by the drunk infested sneaky-petes aided in my appearance. or, maybe it was the calm 911 call i made. (needless to say, last night was the thing movies were made of: romance, fighting, money issues, dance-offs, and danger). 

i got into a heated debate with the man sitting next to me on the train. he hated minnesota and was saying how much better it would be to live in "the pan handle". I'm pretty much sick of MN myself, but when he said those nasty things, a fire started burning in my soul and i couldn't help but speak up. thank you dr. d for rhetorical crit. I was able to calmly organize my thoughts and feelings into vocal bullet points: great family atmosphere, good collection of arts and culture, nature in an urban city and longfellow grills sweet potato fries. I won with that last one. 

im wearing what the youth are calling "skinny jeans". I have hessitated for a long time to buy into this trend, for obvious reasons (namely Chas' calves), but i recently read in a reputable women's mag that skinny jeans favor all body types. even mine? the hybrid of 3 popular types: busty, petite and boy shaped bottem? I guess i can also add "round middle" to that as well. wow. its like i'm the ultimate fighter! it's always confusing to me as to what i should wear because all of those "types" have different guidelines and different suggested styles. Boy shaped bottems should wear boy short swim trunks? no thanks. Busty top should wear underwire bra-kini while round middles should wear a tankini? huh? petites should wear high rise bottoms and bandeau tops? i am in a crisis. maybe i'll stick to the ole 4th grade staple: ugly one piece with an oversized mickey mouse tee. perfection. 

my friends in wisconsin are having a house warming party tonight. first of all, their apartment dosn't need to get any hotter. it should be a cooling party. second, why do people throw house warming parties anyways? You just moved in, got things organized and such. And your welcoming people bringing their dirty shoes in and leaving their glasses all over (probably going to leave rings on your fine wood pool table) not to mention the high traffic flow to the bathroom. i think a small guided tour through the 2 bedrooms and then a caravan to the bar with the mechanical bull is a smarter, cleaner way. but what do i know? im moving back to my parents! 

1970

I've got some good news, and some bad news. Which would you like first? The bad? ok...

well, its late. or early, depending on how you look at things. I don't exactly know how late/early it is because my computers time is set to 7 am may 1st 1970. I don't know how it got like this or how to fix it. Maybe I have gone back in time, to live a simpler life, free of distractions and comfortable underwear--just like the movie "Split Infinity" where i go to meet my grandpa when he's young and learn a valuable lesson while teaching him something in return. also, i will not sell my farm during the depression and make a fortune on selling the land afterwards and then fund a childrens hospital. Whatever the reason, it is late, and i cant sleep. (and you need to rent split infinity)!

The good news is that i apparently get Internet when its early/late/1970 (which is weird because i didnt think mr. gore invented the internet till the nineties...). I have checked the forecast, looked at pictures of myself from my youngeryears on facebook and tried to find that site sister-christer showed me where you guess the von-trapp children names , but i couldn't. Maybe i should spend this time studying proper spelling and grammar. eh, no. (i had to try and spell grammar about 5 times, fyi). 

i've been thinking about a lot of things during this restless time: what am i going to wear tomorrow? will people know i've worn it 4 times in the past week already? will a shower even help? I want sour candy. I should get those cavities filled this week. who am i? what is my purpose? why do boys smell bad? as you can see, i am most defiantly an intellectual. 

update: it must be around 5. the garbage man just came. i remember them coming around 5 at bethel when i would just be getting back from the study lounge. 

bret, the resident "groundskeeper" and creeper was outside sweeping tonight at midnight (of course, i dont know if it was actually midnight. i'm guessing based on the moons position and my sister getting into bed). The sweeping noise was very loud and stupid. I opened my window and said loudly "deanna. brett is sweeping. its really late. do you think i should tell joe (joe is the landlord)" and then i closed my window and ran away. do you think he heard? do you think he'll be mad? I hope not, cause sometimes i peek into his window and watch his big screen. i need our open blind relationship to remain. but i dont want him to sweep so late right under my window! oy vey!

that reminds me of another incident i had this week. all the maintenance people were maintencing our parking lot on monday, right after i got back from my trip. I had to move my car, so i begrudgingly woke up around 7, put my pants on and moved my car. i walked right past joe, hose, and the teen. Came back, took my pants off, got into bed and 5 minutes later i get a knock at the door. Tradition has it that Joe knocks about once before he unlocks the door himself and finds me laying in my bed. To avoid that i screamed JUST A MINUTE and threw on my pants faster than you can say bub's your uncle. When i opened the door I was surprised to see the teen standing there awkwardly. " you need to move your car" he said. "i already did" i replied. "are you sure" he asked me like I was an idiot. "yes, I just moved it" I retorted , heavy on the bitchiness. I felt bad about the tude, so i smiled real quick. Well, it got uncomfortable fast and he apologized and said something like "wrong room, uh, sorry". I think he knew i just put my pants on. I sneaked by the window and listed to him tell Joe, who i think is his father "dad, its not her car. that was embarrassing". mission accomplished for the day. sonia: 1. maintenance men : embarrassed.  gosh, i hate wearing pants. 

well, i don't know what else to entertain you with, so , um, bye

i put a jug of sunscreen on after seen this. 

i did not have a heart attack.

wow my forehead is tan. the rest of me is still the same old casper the friendly ghost shade. 

yesterday i did noting the whole day. I dead-headed my begonias and then almost dead-headed myself. 

When I was in San Diego, I went to take a picture of the Shout House for my dear friend sister-christer. A group of mildly attractive men came out and yelled "where is that little hobbit", and instinctively I said "right here". They laughed. Were they laughing because i DO look like a hobbit, or because it was such a outlandish statement? 

I have nothing to do for 2 weeks. I'm not even going to try to think of things to do. Maybe I will do a social experiment about not being social.

Watching Tyra right now. It's all preggers ladies asking uncomfortable questions and Tyra throwing in her stupid two cents. Are these women being paid to ask these? Why on earth would they embarrass themselves like this? Haven't you heard of WebMD, stupids? Whenever I have a question about my pregnancy, that's where I go. It's also where KHood went when I woke up in the middle of the night with deathly pains: Costochondritis, not a heart attack, thank you very much!

 

appology

sorry guys. 

i've been an irresponsible blogger.

no excuses

well, except that i got sunburnt sitting in my hammock. and that i was too busy going to concerts or flying in planes to costal cities. or going to dinner and having 50 bonez thrown on my table. 

please don't leave me or forsake me...but who am i kidding? you wont. 

i mean, since the "erotic services" page on craigslist is going away, what else are you going to do online anyway? Stay with me, i wont disappoint. 

but first, i need to go lay on the beach. 

my sister got hit by a truck

my sister got hit by a truck yesterday while riding her bike. 

Don't worry, she's ok. Just some minor head trauma, killer bruises, a messed up elbow and a new lifelong fear of riding her bike--no big deal!

Her accident has forced me to re-visit some of my own accidents and I want to share them with you now:

Accident One: Being pushed down the concrete basement steps in my baby-walker

Accident Two: Jumping off piano and hitting face on coffee table

Accident Three: Knocking teeth out on coffee table

Accident Four: Being clotheslined while attempting to ride bike through jump rope attached to mini-van and sister

Accident Five: bit by chipmunk I caught and kept in fish tank

Accident Six: sawing finger open to the bone.

Accident Seven: Undercutting while doing back tuck, getting stuck, almost breaking neck

Accident Eight: Something freaky to my leg after extreme failure on the vault. (quit gymnastics after that one)

I'll stop there, but there are more. Just making sure I get more attention that her.

 I think the dentist likes me. He called me babe and told me i have a really pretty mouth. I thought he was talking about my lips or smile, but i think he meant the actual inside of my mouth. I spent today walking the streets with my mouth open trying to see if I could get anyone interested--no luck. Now that I'm thinking of it, that was very unprofessional behavior for a dentist...maybe I should tell someone? I guess I'll wait until I find out how good of a kisser he is, and go from there. I mean, he is kinda cute...

I'm pissed off at this whole digital conversion thing. What a load of LIES! They scared me into the box...and for what? So i can see commercials on the digital channels telling me (again) that come frickin July I wont be able to see analog TV. Warn everyone you know, this is a conspiracy. 

Adam Lampert from American Idol is my absolute worst nightmare. J.T Lambert was my 5thgrade dream. 

I read on MSN today that the average woman kisses 28 men before she gets married. If that's the case, please save the date for my wedding- 09/09/2039 ( I will be registered at bed bath and beyond, as well as futuristic places). Until then I'm registered for sour candy. 

enough about me!

uh oh. I've been singing "I wanna kiss a girl" by keith urban all day. Please don't tell my conservative grandparents.

in other news, my sister is trying to decide which law school to go to. I, on the other hand, am trying to pick between twilight and house bunny at the redbox. 

today was my last day of work. I will now spend my days perfecting my summer bucket list. I'm not planning on dying, but living in the middle of nowhere for a year is close enough to that.  Here are some things I want to do and why:

zoo: animals are cool

drive in: want to get lucky in the back seat (this dosn't have to happen if you want to go with me abby)

that racetrack place: i've never been and cheap concessions 

camping: it is acceptable to look nasty and play with fire

see caroline or change: tony kushner 

eat brats: they good

see a movie at the science museum: that giant ball screen is awesome

county fair: inbreeding, dangerous rides and the 500 pound pig

Enough about me! 

Tomorrow I am willingly going to the dentist. I drove past it and, of course, its one of those dental offices inside a old house--nothing good ever comes from those. I dont see anything professional or seemingly sanitary about getting your teeth cleaned in a room where grandma stayed when she got old. 

It's kinda like the theory introduced to me in '02 by a friend named dave. The theory states that any house that has that ball-globe thing (known to us in wisconsin as a gazing globe) sitting in the yard, smells bad inside. I have yet to investigate, but my intuition tells me he is right...or that the people are wizards.  

what im trying to say is, im freaked out and don't want to go. 

i do want to go to james taylor concert this saturday. oh, wait...i AM going. Im nervous though. What happens when my main life goal is complete? Will I find another 60 something singer-songwriter to keep me going? Or will I simply slip away painlessly in my sleep? I'll let you know. 

1 x 1

You know you’re awesome when you start writing a blog on a word document because you only get Internet access on the 1x1 bottom corner of your sister’s bed.

Remember how much I hate Fridays? Did I mention that I hate Saturdays too? I hate to be a killjoy, but weekends suck. Sundays don’t count because God wants us to lay around and do nothing on Sundays.


I’m moving home soon. People keep asking me how I feel about it. You wanna know how I feel about it? I feel frickin awesome! Not that I wont miss Cesar the cat crying at my window every night, the maintenance men coming into my room when I’m laying in my bed in my underwear, spending 30 minutes driving 5 feet on Hiawatha or not being able to buy myself fruits and vegetables. I’m just more excited for spending my days sitting in a hammock, being served Arnie Palmers and having my dad set up an air conditioner in my room (a true luxury at the Malmquist homestead). You may come and visit. My dad will make you a huge breakfast and take you on a tour of a local cheese factory. If we ask for ice cream, he will drive into town and get 7 flavors. He will tend to our campfire and if something interesting comes up in conversation, he will disappear for a minute and then come back with some printed out google results. Where’s my mom in all this? Probably playing the piano or checking her email (you can teach an old mom new tricks). Come and see for yourself.

I went to the zoo the other day. I stared at the monkeys and gorillas for about an hour. I felt that if I stared long enough, a zoo keeper would unzip the fur and my dad or uncle LeRoy would pop out.

Monkeys are the cutest of all wild creatures. Except for Christian the Lion. Have you seen that thing? Even Chuck thought it was “and amazing and interesting look into the wild animals psyche”. Ann just likes Whitney Houston...

Today I saw a cat riding on the front dash of a car. It was like sprawled out, soaking up the sun on the fricking highway. And I thought it was bad when people put those dang beanie babies up there.

naked showers and sexy aprons

T.G.I.F my ass.

I havn't thanked God it's friday since the awesome lineup on ABC: Dinasours, Family Matters, Full house, Perfect Strangers. Yes please. 

Fridays are always the biggest let down. I blame it on Bethel. The anticipation builds up all week,everyone a-buzz, talking about the "fun things" we're going to do,  then BAM! Your entire freshman floor gets picked by their parents at 3 pm. One can only scooter through the halls so many times...

The last good friday  I had was the spring of '06 when J. Ban was supposed to go get my van, and somehow was able to unlock and drive another white mini van all the way to McDonalds. I guess the best part was that I was riding with him and didn't notice. So, Chris Evans, if you're reading this (I know your name cause I saw your hospital papers in the glove box) don't be worried that your van is parked in a completely different spot that where you left it, or that it has some McDonalds wrappers in it--be amazed at the great God we serve and his ability to provide for people in need (we needed to get to mcdonalds). 

today i bought some new clothes. they aren't particularly cute, stylish or affordable...but they fit. I've decided to stop giving clothes a hard time--its not their fault. I don't feel comfortable blaming them all the time, saying "they don't flatter my body type". I'm man enough to admit its my body that doesn't flatter them.  I'm  ashamed of verbally abusive i've been. After much prayer, petition and guidance from my elders and deacons I've decided the best thing for everyone in this situation right now is to release my clothes to families and individuals who can better care for them. If you think you have a home for clothes in the 0-6 size range, please talk to my family service rep (me). 

tomorrow i'm going to my first shower of the season. I might wake up early and take my first shower (naked kind) of the season too. 

Im ok with wedding showers, but can I come clean? the whole giving unmentionables and sexy nightgowns is just plain annoying.  You've already scored the ultimate goal--someone who likes you and has to like you if you get fat and stuff. Do you really need all these $40 lace teddies and thongs with bows on them? Shouldn't you be giving us single girls the sexy-goods so we can try to attract a husband? Maybe im bitter. Maybe my heart is cold...but maybe, just maybe, I want to register for muffin tins and sexy aprons from victoria's secret. 

thank you, come again.