im lonely, but not lonely enough to not drink alone.
the only people who want to hang out with me are 40 year old men.
my boss commented the other day "if i was 20 years younger and single...i just don't understand how you are not married!". I thought he was asking a question, so i gave him a 5 minute, very vulnerable answer. After the awkward silence following my story I figured out he was just being jovial and not really wondering why I was single.
that would have been awkward if it hadn't been for that one time...
the time he said something slightly off-color and apologized for being "inappropriate". to make sure he knew i was not offended i tried to console. "don't worry! i get real inappropriate when these pants come off!". it was too late to try and explain that i meant when my "work pants" came off. the damage was done.
i still can't make eye-contact.
have you seen the infomerical for the genie bra? a good name, for sure. a genie would have to grant you at least 3 desperate wishes to make your boobs look normal wearing that thing.
my ex-boyfriend is dating a girl who looks like jay leno wearing eyeliner. i am a horrible person for saying that outloud, but hey! jay leno is a very successful talk show host/car collector/man.
i sent a package to the german man who wanted to marry me. by package, i mean ESL book of american slang. by sent i mean i thought it would cost like 5 bucks. 18 bucks later i am asking myself why i did that. "to keep my options open" was the first response. but, after further thought "he's my only hope" is the correct answer.
im just kidding! a little bit.
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